This poster for a children's game in which I thought it was a good idea to have the stingray "eating" me.
BONUS POINTS FOR THE Rage Italic SCRAWLED ACROSS THE TOP. SO EDGY.
circa 2009
These bathroom options I whipped up in Solidworks for my sister when she remodeled her house .
DEELIA DEETZ MAY HAVE BEEN INTO THE BRUSHED STEEL CABINETS, BUT IT DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT FOR THE LAKESIDE COTTAGE MY SISTER WAS RENOVATING.
circa 2009
My very first strucutral engineering project, and over-engineering at it's finest. The task: design and simulate a high-dive that's x meters tall and supports the weight of a 300 pound person. Naturally, this 18-year-old chose a parabolic tower with splayed legs, reinforced core, and a jetsons-esque suspended support structure for a steel h-beam(?) plank. So innovative.
YES, THAT'S A VERTICAL DISPLACEMENT OF .1mm. MAYBE A FLYING BUTTRESS COULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT DOWN TO .09
circa 2009
My first portfolio - I remember thinking "Citron is the future."
AND THE FUTURE WAS MINE.
circa 2009
Okay, TO BE FAIR, I did know this was going to be ugly from the get-go. The goal was to see if I could make an obnoxious art deco bedroom with completely parametrically-driven designs. I achieved both, but at what cost, really? More sensible version included to prove I'm not a total monster.
YOU'VE GOTTA ADMIT THOUGH, THAT'S SOME 🔥 INDOOR SCENE RENDERING FOR A SOLID MODELER.
circa 2015
If we're being honest here, I do actually still kind of like this book-ish concept, with the exception of that inexplicable whisp of a disposable-camera-esque flash. But let's be real: any cell phone concept old enough to not be a black rectangle is going to look laughably fat. Also, this is a nice little view into the three months when I was obsessed with WIndows Phone.
MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THE MICRO USB.
circa 2014
I painstakingly made AEROGEL that week without forcing an evacuation of the entire building due to a loose drop of tetrafluora-something-or-another, and yet nothing had ever made me more proud than this poster. Millenial gray, Trajan Pro, and some 3D-spheres in a molecular diagram: *chef's kiss*
AND PLEASE DON'T BE JEALOUS OF THE LIGHTING ON THOSE CHEMICALS. WE CAN'T ALL STAND OUT THAT WELL.
circa 2010
This Matlab graph of period vs amplitude of a pendulum that I looked at and thought "This needs more Trajan Pro. And a gradient."
"WOULD YOU CALL THAT GRAPE OR AUBERGINE?" -CLAIREE BLECHER, 1989.
circa 2010
This booklet I made about my life and "talents" and sent with my college application essays, back when you still had to mail them.
TO BE FAIR, THIS BAD BOY GOT ME INTO SOME PRETTY FANCY SCHOOLS… BUT WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT THEM?
circa 2008
This monstrosity that my 10th-grade self made when my dad finally broke down and bought that home design software at the Lowes checkout counter. I was out of control. That's ONE house.
THOSE BUBBLE WINDOWS THO
circa 2007
I almost didn't put this one in here. I may not have much dignity, but I do have some and this one hurts.
#STAYHUMBLE #ITWASHIGHSCHOOLALRIGHT?!
circa 2007
This is irrelevant but I came across it while looking up old crap for this portfolio, and I just want the world to know that Canda does NOT give second chances at Customs photos.
STAY SAFE OUT THERE.
circa 2015
they were so awesome at the time.
in honor of the spirit of these projects, I won't be putting any effort into formatting this page reasonably.
In a similarly-jankety move, I will not be taking the time to optimize this section for mobile, so you can enjoy it on desktop only, you sadist.